Saturday, February 14, 2015

Determinedly Single: Not Your Average Valentine's Post

Happy Valentine’s Day! Have you seen enough pink and red yet? Eaten your fill of chocolates from a heart-shaped box? Smelled your share of gorgeous red roses? Can anyone ever have too much of any of those things? I don’t think so.

For most, tonight is a night to go out (or stay in) with that special someone in their life. For romantics, it’s all about showing their significant other how much they mean to them; for the slightly more jaded, Valentine’s Day is nothing but an overblown Hallmark holiday. For me? It’s neither, although you’ll never catch me turning down a box of chocolates or a bouquet of roses! But I’m happily single which makes a holiday like today a bit of a moot point. This isn’t your typical Valentine’s Day post--you’ve been warned!

A friend of mine classifies me (if I really must have a classification) as “determinedly single.” I’m neither in a relationship nor looking for one at this point in my life. When I tell people that, I tend to get two reactions a) “but why not?” and b) the harsher “you must be damaged from something.” I’m accustomed to having to defend my decision and why a “young and attractive girl” isn’t in a relationship or, at the very least, looking for one. Admittedly, I used to get a bit annoyed by the fact that everyone felt I owed them an explanation for my choice and that feminist part of me became more than a little indignant. If I was a twenty-something year old man would I have to explain why I like being single? Would I feel pressure to settle down and start a family, yesterday? I highly doubt it.

First off, I’m not opposed to relationships. I think that love is a beautiful thing. Finding that person who fits, who accepts you at your best and your worst, and who wants to plan a life with you is a real life fairytale. And I hope to experience that one day, but not right now.

I want to focus on figuring out who I am on my own before trying to figure out who I am with someone. For the first 21 years of my life, I was more or less defined by my parentage—I’m Mr. and Mrs. L’s daughter. I’ve only just begun to be me, just Brittany. I’m not ready to be someone’s girlfriend, fiancée, or wife. I see this as a time for me to explore and be a little selfish with my time. If I want to move across the country or across the globe, I want to be able to do it without worrying about the fate of a relationship. If I decide to go to graduate school or to change careers, I want my decision to be solely about me and my wants/needs. I want to focus on “me,” not an “us,” and figure out what makes me happy and gives me purpose. I’m not saying that you can’t do those things while being in a relationship; you can travel, build a career or business, and finish your schooling while in a relationship, and I know that plenty of people do. But for me, right now, being single is what feels right, even if I do get a lot of comments from the peanut gallery in the meantime. The fact of the matter is that we all want different things out of life and what works for you might not work for me and vice versa. We all just have to do what makes us happiest, whether that’s being with someone or not—I can’t stress that enough.

One day I hope to find Mr. Right, and I hope that we’ll be the sort of couple that makes a big deal of Valentine’s Day, as cheesy as it may be. Romantic dinner, flowers, cards, candy, the whole nine yards. But I would want us to show each other how much we mean to each other 365 days of the year too. In the meantime though, I want to get a better handle on who I am and not be going through some sort of identity crisis when I meet him.

So this Valentine’s Day, I will buy my own roses and eat my lovely Godiva Truffle Bars (you must try them) and be very happy about it. Valentine’s Day can be about loving yourself too, right?

Now that I’ve gotten all existential on you and rambled on...what are your plans for Valentine’s Day? Are you going to be spending it with a loved one? Alone? With friends?


  1. Love this post! I'm also 'determinedly single' and have given up explaining to people that I just don't need another person in my life right now - I'm pretty chuffed with just spending time with me! Good on ya, girl! xx

    Jess |